Better than Dancing with the Stars!

Got this story from Jon Keller who took our class in St.Louis. This is such a great story i asked him if I could post it here. This is a beautiful picture of intergenerational youth ministry. Way to go Jon!

Mark,
I attended "Rethinking Traditional Youth Ministry Models" presented
by you and Brock in St Louis. Again, I thank you for your study
and research in this area. I have been uneasy about youth ministry
for the last several years and know a shift needs to happen. Personally
I believe the shift needs to move more toward family ministry and
inter-generational ministry.The other night I think I saw what this
kind of ministry should look like.

I have a daughter, Andrea who is 15 years old. This past spring a boy
at her school(Clayton)asked her if she would be interested in taking
Ballroom dancing lessons with him. She accepted the invitation and
they have been having a ball ever since.

At the start of this school year Clayton asked me if he could again ask
my daughter to take a second set of lessons with him. I told him he
was welcome to ask her but she would probably turn him down because
the lessons were on the same night as her small group. (My daughter
loves her small group!) That is why I was shocked when she told me
that she accepted Clayton's invitation again to take more Ballroom
dancing lessons.

Two weeks ago Clayton and Andrea invited my wife and I to go watch
them dance, so we went with them. I then understood why my
daughter chose to miss half her small group each Wednesday night to
go to dancing lessons. As we walked into the dance hall we were warmly
greeted. My wife and I took a place at a table at the back of the
dance floor and Andrea and Clayton took to the dance floor. Most of
the people there were forty or older. Andrea and Clayton were the
youngest in the crowd. During one dance Andrea and Clayton

were struggling with the steps. The next thing I saw was an older couple coming up to them - the gentleman took Andrea and the lady took Clayton and they
helped them learn the dance. After that dance Andrea and Clayton came
over to my wife and me. I told Andrea that it was nice of that older
couple to help them out with the last dance. She responded "Ha! We're
their favorites!" That is when it clicked for me. It just wasn't dance
lessons! Andrea and Clayton felt part of a community of caring
adults. This is why dance was as important to her as her small group!
Here was a group of adults passionate about Ballroom dancing and they
wanted to share their passion with the younger generation. I thought to
myself, "this is what youth ministry should look like!"

Later, two of the dance instructors invited my wife and me to the
dance floor. I am not a dancer and I tried to explain that to the
instructor, but she said that was okay, she would teach me. She soon
had me moving across the floor with her.

What an image for the Church and youth ministry.

Is Youth Ministry Good For Youth?

I thought I would post a statement I made during the discussion at the CCC in St. Louis to get everyone else's take. I was kind of afraid to say it amongst a huge group of youth pastors, but I went for it. Here's what I said:

"This is something that I've been thinking about for a while. I wonder if youth ministry has actually been a disservice to teenagers, that we have done more harm than good. We see companies pandering to teenagers and so we feel like we have to do the same thing, so we pander to their desires. We have given them a product that works for them, but when they graduate, nobody is pandering to them anymore, which contributes to them leaving the church in droves. Which forces us to now hire young adult pastors."

I'm not sure if I said it in exactly those terms, but that's the general idea. I would love to get some feedback. Thanks...

I think I threw up in my mouth a little! This is awesome!

If you weren't in St.Louis for the NYWC you missed this. The context. There was a cheerleading competition going on in the same convention hall as YS so they had to mock it. Priceless.

So UnChristian!

So I picked up the new book Unchristian by Barna at the convention and I have really enjoyed the first 100 pages. It basically so far says we are in a mess, at least the image of Christian is in serious need of rebranding. So far it echoes many of the things we talked about in the seminar, here are a couple juicy tidbits.

"Hurtful experiences with Christians are a part of the stories of nearly one out of every two young people who are atheists, agnostics, or of some other faith."

"The vast majority of outsiders have been to Christian churches and have heard the message of Christ."

"Spirituality is important to young adults, but many consider it just one element of a successful, eclectic life. Fewer than one out of ten young adults mention faith as their top priority."

I'll post more later.

Take Care,

Mark Helsel

Ministry in different settings

One of the questions I have really been pondering and analyzing since this CCC in San Diego, is in regards to how the needed changes in youth ministry would vary between small churches and large churches - if they would vary at all. I, personally, believe there would be some significant differences simply because the nature of those ministries are significantly different.

I am not sure I have any answers to my own question yet, but have really been examing these ideas. But something I want to throw out for discussion because I know we all come from different settings, and this could impact how much (or little) we need to change for effective Youth Ministry in the future!!!

It's not all about me.
I've been thinking that the biggest thing that needs to change is the way the ENTIRE CHURCH views the youth and the youth ministry. Here's where I get hung up. I hear how WE (as youthworkers) are supposed to connect kids more with their families and with the church. WE are supposed to get them integrated into creating and designing and owning the life of the whole church. I don't think that works. I'm busy building relationships with students. What I need is all the people who are the church to think of the students differently. Instead of approaching me and saying, "hey can you get a few youth to help with ....." they need to include, invite, approach, involve and relate to students just as they would to other adults. If I continue to be THE link between the youth and the church, nothing will ever change. People are happy with the one-eared mickey. They don't want that to go away, because then they will be relating directly with students that they may find unusual, annoying, or challenging. They want some token youth to be involved on their committee or join the adult choir so they can say they are reaching out to youth. They want to continue to pay me to run a great youth ministry program so they don't really have to spend much time thinking about young people. If new models and new ways are going to emerge, it can't be all about ME. I will need everyone in the church to start thinking differently. And how will that happen? Okay, maybe some of that does start with me, but not me just re-designing what I'm doing. In fact, I'm not even planning to re-design anything. I'm talking and praying and challenging and convincing and wondering. This could take a while.

So here is a topic

Since it has been brought up already here on online and it was a part of the Critical Concerns Course lets' talk about Inter-generational ministry. I think it is imperative for the genrations to be connected with each other and the one-eared mickey mouse approach really isn't working so what does inter-generational ministry look like beyond just having a group of adult volunteers but a truly inter-generational ministry.

Love to here your thoughts!

mark helsel